Navigating the Early Childhood Years
After going through Painful Breastfeeding as a New Mom with my first baby, I am happy to report that I have successfully managed nipple pain when breastfeeding with my second. I still experienced sore and painful nipples this second time around, but it never got anywhere near …
Topics Considerations – When Should Family Visit Newborn Baby? 1. Know Thyself 2. Protecting Immature Newborn Immune Systems 3. Establishing Breastfeeding 4. Processing Postpartum Emotions Establishing Boundaries with Newborn Visitors 1. Give Yourself Permission to Have Boundaries 2. Practice Clear …
As far as my hospital bag was concerned, I was wildly unprepared after the birth of my first child. I had not yet prepared a bag when my water broke at 37 weeks, and I had not anticipated staying in the hospital for 5 days (I ended up needing a c-section, plus my son needed to stay under the bilirubin lights). So I definitely felt a little grungy by the end of my hospital stay.
While having the right clothes or comforts isn’t that big of a deal relative to bringing a newborn into the world, I do think it can set the tone for the start of parenthood. Plus, those first few days in the hospital can be overwhelming, and the last thing you want to be thinking about is stinky socks.
So this time around, as I sit here pregnant with my second child, I am determined to have the best hospital bag packed ever!
I have thought long and hard about what I want in my bag, and I plan to pack it a month or so in advance of my scheduled c-section date (just in case). And whether a woman is having a planned c-section or not, I think it’s a good idea to pack for an extended stay just in case something unexpected comes up during labor and delivery for you or baby.
My hospital allows patients to go home 2 days after a c-section if all is going well with recovery. So I am really hoping I will only be in the hospital for those 2 days, but know that I could possibly be staying an addition couple of days as well.
Mount Sinai explains that women typically stay in the hospital 2-4 days after a c-section. And based on my 5 day hospital stay with my first born, those 5 days felt like an eternity! A few extra comforts from home would have really made a difference!
Below is a list of items that I plan on having for my hospital stay post c-section. And following the compiled checklist is a more detailed discussion on each item (quantity, considerations & product recommendations). These are my personal suggestions, but every woman likely has her unique needs and preferences. Hopefully though, this checklist provides a helpful starting point!
Keep in mind that hospitals provide essentials like swaddles, diapers, wipes, disposable undies for mom, pads, peri bottle, towels and snacks. So unless you have particular preferences in regards to these items, you will more likely than not be covered! You can always check beforehand with your labor and delivery department to see what they do or do not provide.
✓ Fruit
✓ Chips/crackers
✓ Peanut butter packets
✓ Juice boxes
✓ Apple sauce packs
✓ Granola bars
✓ Cell phone with camera and charger
✓ Feeding and diaper tracker app or notes app or journal
✓ Journal/iPad/laptop
/book
✓ Soothing music or guided relaxation app or audio downloads
✓ Favorite blanket
✓ Pillow
✓ Water bottle
✓ Portable sound machine
* Infant car seat for the ride home – You can contact your local police or fire station, and they will help you install your car seat and give you a safety walk through. Some retail stores also offer this service.
You may also want to consider packing a nice snack item for nursing staff! I’ll be taking a big box of chocolates to give them 🙂
If you want to be comfortable, these items must be postpartum friendly! This means, loose and comfortable material. And especially for c-section mamas, we don’t want any bands or fabrics that are going to cut into or irritate our c-section scars. Plus, your tummy will probably still be pretty big for a while as your uterus works on shrinking back down.
So, I plan to pack some comfortable seamless underwear plus a couple of pairs of “period panties” from Amazon. (3 pairs of the seamless underwear and 2 pairs of the period underwear).
The hospital will also probably provide you with some mesh and nylon type underwear to use with pads. I used these items when my son was born, but I also want to have the option to wear my own from home if that ends up working out better.
For sweatpants, I’ll be packing some lightweight soft and loose under the belly joggers from Kindred Braverly/also sold on Amazon (2 pairs). I have worn these joggers throughout my pregnancy, and think they will be great postpartum as well.
I’ll also throw in a pair of over the belly Motherhood Maternity leggings as well.
As far as bras are concerned, I’m taking 4 different kinds. I love these Calvin Klein seamless bralettes from Amazon (they are often on sale!). While not specifically designed for nursing (no clip on the front straps), I think they will work well and be easy enough to simply pull down. They are lightweight, stretchy, silky feeling, and have removable pads. I have been wearing these throughout my pregnancy, both to sleep in as well as wear during the day. One thing to keep in mind, is that these are not super hefty bras. But for those who may be on the smaller side or for those who just want comfortable minimal support, they’re perfect.
I also like Kindred Braverly’s Ultra Comfort Smooth Classic Nursing Bra (can also be bought on Amazon). This one has nursing clips, removable pads, comes with a hook and eye extender, and is made of a super smooth fabric (polyamide and spandex). And best of all, it feels more like a second skin rather than overly bulky like other nursing bras I’ve tried. It also comes as either a “busty” fit or a “regular” fit.
In addition to the Calvin Klein bralette and Kindred Braverly nursing bra, I’ll be packing another old nursing bra and bralette. I’m not entirely sure what to expect this time around as far as breastfeeding goes and my milk coming in (it’s pretty wild how much your boobs can change in a day or two), so I want to have a variety.
Your feet may swell after delivery (mine certainly did), so socks and shoes with plenty of room to easily slide into are nice to have. They pump a lot of fluids into you during the labor process, and WebMD explains that water retention and postpartum swelling is common after delivery.
And for c-section mamas, getting up and walking around a bit as soon as you are able to is supposed to help with recovery. So having easy shoes to slip into for this can be one less barrier to getting some movement in.
I plan on taking my roomy slip on crocs to wear around the hospital, along with a pair of sneakers or slip on boots that I will probably wear on my way into the hospital.
If you plan on breastfeeding, packing shirts and sweatshirts that will allow your newborn easy access to the boob are preferable.
I’m not a big fan of nursing bras or shirts, so I like having regular bras and shirts that are also nursing friendly.
So, I plan to take 3 regular cami tank tops with 2 light drop armhole tanks to wear over them (I’ll also be taking 1 nursing tank, just in case I end up finding that easier for the hospital). And when it’s cold, a zip up hoodie as a top layer I can keep on while feeding (2 zip hoodies). This way I can simply unzip, pull the top layer tank to the side towards my center, and then pull the cami down or slip my arm out for easy access.
I’ll throw in a couple of t-shirts as well.
As far as a portable toilet sitz bath and travel bidet are concerned, these will just make everything down there feel nice and clean and comfortable. Constipation can be very very real post delivery, and if you have been struggling with hemorrhoids during pregnancy, those first few poops can be quite uncomfortable.
Taking a little sitz soak in warm water with some epsom salts mixed in can hep soothe the bum. Or if you only have a moment to spare and don’t want to pack a portable toilet sitz bath, a quick rinse with the travel bidet helps keep things clean and reduces irritation.
So I plan on taking a small portable “bidet” (you can purchase a little squirt bottle like this on Amazon), and having my over the toilet seat sitz bath waiting and ready to go at home. This way if I end up needing it, I can ask my hubby to bring it to the hospital.
The hospital will also probably give you a basic peri squirt bottle if you don’t want to get your own.
✓ Fruit
✓ Chips/crackers
✓ Peanut butter packets
✓ Juice boxes
✓ Apple sauce packs
✓ Granola bars
I was ravenous after my c-section, so below are some snack ideas to have on hand in your hospital room. Keep in mind, it’s a good idea to have some non-constipating snacks, since your first poop can be hellish!
The hospital will also most likely have snacks available for you, so it’s not necessary to have your own. With my first born, the nurses brought us an endless supply of turkey deli sandwiches and juice. The first couple tasted great, however, after 5 days of those sandwiches, I was pretty much over it.
The above suggestions are all non-refrigerated items, but you can ask your labor & delivery department if they have a refrigerator available if you want to have refrigerated items as well.
✓ Cell phone with camera and charger
✓ Feeding and diaper tracker app or notes app or journal
✓ Journal/iPad/laptop/book
✓ Soothing music or guided relaxation app or audio downloads
✓ Favorite blanket
✓ Pillow
✓ Water bottle
It’s a good idea to make sure you have cleared plenty of space on your phone for pictures. You will want to take a lot of photos to capture those first few special days, and there is nothing more annoying than having to go through your phone to delete old photos in order to make room for the new ones and missing precious moments.
I like the free app Baby Feeding Tracker and Log by Newborn Feeding and Care. This is to help you keep a log for feeding and peeing/pooping for your newborn. Before my son’s birth, I had no idea I would need to breastfeed every couple of hours in the beginning. I also didn’t realize I would be expected to keep track of his wet and dirty diapers, to make sure his health was on track. So having a convenient and easy way to track these things is important, especially if you’re not quite thinking clearly as you may be exhausted and sleep deprived.
These items are useful in the event you want to write down any thoughts, feelings or special moments, or just relax with a tv show/movie or read up on newborn care in any spare moments. There probably won’t be much spare time, but you never know. So I’m leaving these items on my list, but I may or may not take one of them.
I was incredibly wired after my son arrived. I was anxious, excited and terrified all at the same time. Those feelings combined with those postpartum hormone shifts means that winding down and sleeping was difficult, despite total exhaustion. So having a little help with some guided meditation or calming music can provide some gentle grounding.
There’s nothing like having some comforts from home when you are tired and feeling a bit (or a lot) out of sorts. I plan on taking a throw size cotton muslin blanket, maybe a cozy pillow (depending on how big/many bags I end up with) and a big water bottle to help me feel a little more in my element.
Even if you’re not profusely leaking milk right after your baby is born, you may have some of that early colostrum seeping out and getting onto your bra those first few days. Better to have some pads you can change out as needed rather than have to wear an old stinky milk bra.
If breastfeeding is a struggle at all, having a good nursing pillow is essential for a good latch. Once I got the My Brest Friend nursing pillow, I found breastfeeding much easier. I share more about this nursing pillow in my post on Painful Breastfeeding as a New Mom.
Many lactation specialists may refrain from suggesting a nipple shield, but in my case, I ended up needing to use one for a couple of weeks. You can read about my experience of Painful Breastfeeding as a New Mom for more information on breastfeeding challenges. So while I am not a lactation consultant or medical professional and cannot advise anyone one way or another, I plan to use one temporarily if my nipple pain gets so bad that I’m not able to nurse or pump.
Among the reasons nipple shields can be problematic, The Cleveland Clinic explains that prolonged use can negatively impact milk supply, the amount of milk your baby is getting, as well as lead to mastitis.
I just recently discovered these Silver Nursing Cups, and while I have never used them, I definitely plan on taking them with me to the hospital and trying them out. According to reviews, they are wonder workers and can help within a day of using them. And if you have ever dealt with Painful Breastfeeding as a New Mom, you know it’s no walk in the park and any small improvement is a big deal.
These cups go over sore nipples in between feedings (held in place by your bra) and prevent anything from rubbing against them. I’m really looking forward to using them for this purpose, because it was so painful pulling away bras or breast pads that were stuck to my nipples due to dried colostrum or milk that had leaked in-between feeds. Additionally, Play Nourish Thrive explains that silver helps nipples heal because it “contains ions which have antimicrobial, anti-inflammatory, anti-fungal and antibacterial benefits”.
I’ll update this post with a review once I have tested out the silver nursing cups.
The hospital will likely give you a little supply of some sort of nipple cream, but if you have skin sensitive or allergies, you may want to select your own nipple butter. For example, a commonly provided cream at hospitals or available at retail stores is lanolin nipple cream. Since lanolin is made from wool, I always avoid lanolin creams because wool products tend to make me very itchy.
I’m taking the Calm Your Nip Balm by Honest. It’s organic, unscented, hypoallergenic and you don’t need to wipe it off before feeds. It has a bit of a greasy texture like vasoline, but not a big deal in my opinion. Plus I just love all products from Honest.
Note: Instructions with the silver nursing cups state not to use nipple creams with the cups.
While I’m not going to take my pump and pumping supplies to the hospital with me initially, I’m having them all ready in a bag at home in case I need to have my husband bring them to me.
This is because I wish I had my own breast pump at the hospital when my son was born. I was planning on breastfeeding, however, I ended up dealing with some extremely painful breastfeeding issues and ended up needing to pump as well. I was able to rent a pump from the hospital, but it would have been less hassle and money if I just had my own (along with appropriate sized flanges*).
On a side note, the lactation consultants during my hospital stay with my son did say that the hospital grade pumps are superior to most pumps people have at home though, so that’s something to consider if your milk supply ends up being low. Getting on a pumping schedule with a good pump can help boost your supply.
It’s also worth checking with your insurance to see if they will cover the cost of a pump for you. Mine did, and we got a nice Medela brand pump and paid nothing for it. It was a bit of a process getting the authorization for it (you will probably need to ask your doctor’s office to send paperwork), but ultimately it worked out.
We exclusively used these Comotomo Baby Bottles with my first child, and plan to also use them for this second baby as well. For newborns, you can get the slow flow nipples for the bottles. Even though I planned on exclusively breastfeeding, I ended up needing to express and pump a little bit in the hospital, so I definitely plan on having one of these bottles handy in case I need to do the same again with this next baby.
✓ Diapers and wipes (optional – usually provided by hospital)
✓ Formula if you don’t plan on breastfeeding or pumping (the hospital may provide formula and bottles)
I hope this c-section hospital bag checklist is helpful on your journey into motherhood! Please share any comments with items you plan to pack that have not been listed above to share with other mamas ♡
Over the past couple of months, I have had some sort of flu, a stomach bug and most recently covid. There have been a few days of reprieve in-between viruses and bugs, but for the most part, I can’t remember the last time I felt …
It has been a brutal pregnancy so far. 17 weeks in and I’m finally starting to experience some relief from my morning sickness misery (aka 24/7 sickness). Why it’s called “morning sickness” makes no sense. In fact, I often felt the worst in the evenings …
According to Pew Research, the “sandwich generation” describes, “those who have a living parent age 65 or older and are either raising a child under age 18 or supporting a grown child”. And they explain that the sandwich generation often is providing financial and or emotional support for both their children and aging parents.
This can be a lot for sandwich generationers to manage. So what can be done to minimize some of the pressure and stress that comes with being sandwiched between older parents and young children? And how can sandwich generation adults make sure that everyone is taken care of in the event of declining health? Or in the event of an unfortunate accident or medical emergency, whether it be their own or their aging parents?
Below are some terms to become familiar with as you plan for your future security, as well as for your children’s and your aging parents. These terms are not covered in depth here, but below is a simple entry point to get started.
Putting plans in place that can be easily and quickly referred to in the event of a serious accident or physical or mental health deterioration is important. And this includes plans not just for aging parents, but for adults with young children as well.
Planning for tragedies and physical or mental decline in our parents or ourselves is certainly not any fun. And all of the legal processes to ensure everyone is taken care of can be confusing and complicated. But it is so important. Because as we all know, life doesn’t always go as planned. We are mortal human beings and vulnerable to all sorts of misfortunes. What we can do though, is plan and prepare.
So talking with your spouse, with your parents and with your children (if they are old enough) about the future and managing any unfortunate events is something that can benefit everyone. It may take many conversations and quite a bit of paperwork to work out all the details, but doing these things sooner rather than later can help everyone avoid a lot of stress in the future.
A Place for Mom explains that a power of attorney is essentially someone that is legally assigned to make decisions for someone in the event they are unable to make those decisions for themselves. There are different types of power of attorney that can be designated, so those decisions may be related to financial, legal or medical decisions.
So for an aging parent, issues that their power of attorney may encounter include things like dealing with medical treatment decisions, signing consent forms and making financial decisions about their assets.
A Place for Mom recommends hiring a lawyer to set up a power of attorney (vs using an online document) so that there are no complications if the need to exercise power of attorney rights arises. And caring.com recommends all adults set up a power of attorney and that older adults address the issue immediately. Because if something happens that incapacitates a person (eg they receive a diagnosis of dementia), it will be too late for them to agree and sign their consent to assign a power of attorney.
Long-term care can be very expensive. And Market Watch states that 7 out of 10 seniors need some kind of long-term care. This could be care from a “nursing home, assisted living facilities, in-home care providers, and adult day care centers”.
So, it makes sense for aging adults to seriously consider a long-term care insurance policy. Because unless older parents and one of their adult children agree to a co-living situation, an elderly parent may need a good deal of care at some point. And Market Watch explains that nursing home care can be upwards of $100,000 annually, and that insurance like Medicare does not cover these costs.
Other numbers Market Watch shares include $4,576 per month for a home health aide and $4,300 for a room in an assisted living facility (according to the 2020 national average costs). So those are some big numbers to contemplate.
And the thing about long-term care insurance, is that if older adults waits too long to apply, they may not be eligible or will end up paying huge premiums. So in line with the theme here, is to plan ahead whenever possible. For yourself and for aging parents and for the benefit of your children.
In the event of terminal illness or a major medical event, Nationwide explains that living wills and advanced directives are important to establish beforehand. A person’s living will describes what they would want done in terms of medical treatment and life prolonging measures in the event of incapacitation due to terminal illness.
Nationwide explains that an advanced directive is more broad in its scope, and would also include incapacitation from medical events other than terminal illness.
A last will dictates who will receive your assets and property once you are deceased. You can also assign a legal guardian for your minor children, as well as name an executor. An executor is responsible for managing things like property and assets once you have passed.
And once you have passed, your will goes through probate. Trust & Will explains that this is a legal court process that verifies and approves your wishes as outlined in your will. Your property will likely go through probate regardless of whether you have a will or not when you die, but having a will makes the process much easier. Avoiding a complicated probate means less estate taxes, legal fees, as well as greater privacy (as probate is public record). And if you don’t want the courts to decide what happens to your property, then making a will is a very good idea!
Trust & Will also explains though, that there are ways to get around or at least make the probate process easier when it comes to wills. Making sure all of your assets have titled beneficiaries is one way to do this.
Unlike a last will, a trust does not go through probate. Nolo explains though, that a trust can be a little more complicated and expensive to make compared to a will, and also usually requires some maintenance. But like a will, you can assign beneficiaries for your assets. With a trust though, a beneficiary may start accessing those assets before you die if that is your wish.
Nolo shares an article on when you might want to consider a trust over a will. For many people, a will would suit their needs just fine, but Nolo explains that factors like how wealthy you are and how old you are can help dictate if a will or living trust is more suitable. In general, a trust may be more advantageous than a will the older you are and the wealthier you are.
As a mother of a young toddler, I have seriously started thinking about planning for unforeseen events. I want to make sure that my toddler will be taken care of in the unlikely event that my husband and I were to become incapacitated or deceased. And I am also getting clear on terms like “power of attorney” and “advanced directives” so that as my parent gets older, I know what to expect and can make sure all is in order for his wellbeing.
I think almost all parents hope that they never become a burden to their children. And dealing with these legal and logistical issues sooner rather than later is one way to ensure that we do not become a burden. So while most of us probably despise trying to figure out how to go about all of these legal documents, we know that it is well worth the time and effort.
After meeting someone new, I always dread that question, “What do you do?” This question used to be a source of pride for me when I was working (in a paid position) and/or was studying in school. Now though, I feel a touch of shame …
The concept of store-bought granola bars is great – easy, convenient grab and go snacks. The taste of them however, is often overly sweet and unappetizing in my opinion. And there’s just something about unwrapping food from shiny plastic that has been sitting in a …
After a blighted ovum miscarriage about 6 months ago, I was cautiously optimistic that I would go on to have a successful pregnancy. I was comforted by sources like Mayo Clinic, stating that only about 1% of women have repeated miscarriages. Fast forward a few months, and I have since had 2 chemical pregnancies.
According to WebMD, “A chemical pregnancy is a very early miscarriage”. So with this in mind, I initially assumed that I was part of that unlucky 1% who have multiple miscarriages. I have since learned though, that chemical pregnancies are not always included in a count when it comes to “recurrent miscarriage”.
It seems that it really depends on who you ask. So it’s not very clear to me anymore, whether or not I am a part of that 1% statistic. Confusing, I know.
You can skip ahead to Is a Chemical Pregnancy a Miscarriage to get some of the varying viewpoints on the topic. I also share my doctor’s answer to the question, is a chemical pregnancy a miscarriage.
A few months after my blighted ovum miscarriage (you can read about that experience in my post on What is a Miscarriage Like), my husband and I decided it was time to try and get pregnant again.
So when the time came, I was excited to take a home pregnancy test. And it came out positive! So I took another to confirm, and it too was positive! While I was happy about this news, I also felt fearful. My previous experience of miscarriage was truly unpleasant, and I certainly did not feel immune to the possibility of another.
And about a week and a half after those positive tests, I felt what only feels like a period starting. And that was that. The bleeding lasted for about 5 days, and was a bit heavier and more uncomfortable than my normal period. Had I not been tracking my cycle days and taken those positive pregnancy tests though, I might have just assumed I was just having a late and heavy period.
Once this pseudo period was over, I took another pregnancy test to see if my hCG levels (pregnancy hormone) had dropped, and sure enough the test was negative. There’s something that’s just so sad about peeing on a pregnancy test, knowing that you are definitely not pregnant. So I felt disappointed and off kilter for a couple of weeks. And when I say off kilter, I mean I was raging around the house and feeling like an alien had taken over my mind and body. I don’t know if it was all the shifting hormones or the disappointment of it all, but I suspect it was a combination of the two.
Before I knew it, my cycle resumed and I again found myself anxiously awaiting to take a pregnancy test. The first one I took was a faint positive. So I continued to take them every morning, waiting to see if the line that detects hCG would get darker. Even though I knew I should have been waiting at least a few days in between tests, I couldn’t help myself.
But I just kept getting faint positives day after day. I started spending way too much time googling all the reasons a person might get ongoing faint positives. And even though I really wanted to believe that everything was just fine, I think I knew another chemical pregnancy was underway.
And then again, about a week later, the physical confirmation of what looked like a heavy period arrived.
As a disclaimer, I should note that I did not have my chemical pregnancies confirmed by a doctor. While I usually avoid self-diagnosis and know that such matters are best left to the professionals, I took enough pregnancy tests to pretty confidently say that my body was preparing for pregnancy. And that then it stopped.
And I ultimately did not feel I needed to go to the doctor, as sites like WebMD explain that there is usually no treatment required for a chemical pregnancy. This is not to be confused with later miscarriages though, where treatment may be needed.
Please note that I am only speaking of my own personal situation, and anyone with questions and concerns regarding their health (mental and/or physical) should go see a doctor.
Cleveland Clinic defines a chemical pregnancy as “a very early miscarriage that happens within the first 5 weeks of pregnancy”. An egg is fertilized and the body begins producing the pregnancy hormone hCG, but an embryo does not continue to develop after implantation.
Since the pregnancy stops progressing so early, many women who have not taken a sensitive pregnancy test or who have not visited their doctor may not even realize they were ever pregnant.
The signs pointing to chemical pregnancies in my case were as follows;
As I started sifting through information online and trying to figure out what my miscarriage and consecutive chemical pregnancies might mean for my future pregnancy prospects, I found myself a bit confused. After doing some online digging, I realized that while a “chemical pregnancy” is often referred to as an “early miscarriage”, it is not technically a “miscarriage”, according to some.
For example, as noted earlier, Cleveland Clinic states that a chemical pregnancy is an early miscarriage that happens within the first 5 weeks of pregnancy. An egg is fertilized, however the embryo does not continue to develop after implantation and this results in miscarriage.
Baby Center on the other hand, states that a “chemical pregnancy” is not really a “miscarriage” medically speaking, because a woman has never been “clinically pregnant”. Baby Center defines “clinically pregnant” as being able to see a gestational sac on an ultrasound or hear a heartbeat. So while conception has occurred with a chemical pregnancy and the body starts producing the pregnancy hormone hCG, the pregnancy never progresses to the point that further evidence of a growing embryo is detected.
To further confirm that different sources have varying opinions on what counts as a miscarriage or not, I recently visited my doctor. She considered my chemical pregnancies as miscarriages, and also seemed to disagree with the idea that a woman is not truly pregnant if she has a chemical pregnancy.
In various online forums though, I read comments from women who said their doctors essentially dismissed their chemical pregnancies and did not regard them as miscarriages. So even among the professionals there seems to be a lack of consensus. I am inclined to adopt the perspective of my doctor, as I trust her and think she is an excellent doctor.
So as I reflect on these different perspectives, I’m left feeling uncertain. Conception did in fact occur, but I was never technically pregnant? Or I was just a little bit pregnant? And if I didn’t have an actual miscarriage, why do I feel like something was lost? Or maybe I was truly pregnant and did in fact have a total of 3 miscarriages?
Dealing with early pregnancy loss and all the hormonal shifts and disappointment is such a horrible drag, can’t we at least all agree on some common language to talk about it? When I literally don’t know what words to use to categorize my experience, how am I supposed to talk about it with anyone or process it even by myself?
My conclusion is that I can speak about my chemical pregnancies in whatever feels right for me. But nothing about the whole experience really feels right, so maybe it is fitting that it is hard and confusing to know what words to use. Maybe no words are needed, and early pregnancy loss is just a thing to feel. In all its discomfort and disappointment. And other than that, taking care of oneself and talking with a trusted doctor is really all one can do.
Alternatively, some women may not even know they have had a chemical pregnancy or they may not have strong feelings about it. There’s really no one way to say what the experience of a chemical pregnancy should or should not be, just as apparently there is more than one way to classify it.
To further confirm that different sources have varying opinions on what counts as a miscarriage or not, I recently visited my doctor. She considered my chemical pregnancies as miscarriages, and also seemed to disagree with the idea that a woman is not truly pregnant if she has a chemical pregnancy.
In various online forums though, I read comments from women who said their doctors essentially dismissed their chemical pregnancies and did not regard them as miscarriages. So even among the professionals there seems to be a lack of consensus. I am inclined to adopt the perspective of my doctor, as I trust her and think she is an excellent doctor.
As I continued to try and learn more about chemical pregnancies, and specifically consecutive chemical pregnancies, I came across websites like Tommy’s stating that a woman should seek testing or treatment after “recurrent miscarriage” (3 or more consecutive miscarriages).
So initially, since so many sites refer to chemical pregnancies as “early miscarriages”, I figured that chemical pregnancies were included in the count that make up the term “recurrent miscarriage”.
After further investigation though, I realized that when it comes to the term “recurrent miscarriage”, chemical pregnancies are usually not included. USC Fertility explains that it is unclear whether chemical pregnancies should be counted in a “recurrent miscarriage” count. So, another example of confusing and inconsistent language.
UCLA Health clearly defines “recurrent miscarriage” though, as the loss of “clinically recognized” pregnancies. So as mentioned earlier, this would exclude chemical pregnancies, because they are not “clinical pregnancies” (that is, there is no evidence of pregnancy on ultrasound or a fetal heartbeat).
Many sites are not clear about whether or not they include “chemical pregnancies” in their definitions of “recurrent miscarriage” though, so it can be confusing and misleading.
Update: Initially, I thought that I would not be a candidate for any sort of testing, since chemical pregnancies may not always be included in a “recurrent miscarriage” count. So I wasn’t going to make a doctor’s appointment after my second chemical. After talking to some friends who also had chemicals though, I decided checking in with my doctor would actually be a good idea. And interestingly, she does consider chemical pregnancies as miscarriages. So she said that because I have had 3, we could start some testing. So just one scenario of which I’m sure there are many that play out differently depending on the doctor.
How Common are Chemical Pregnancies?
I found it difficult to find statistics (at least ones that site their sources) on chemical pregnancies, but I will share a few I did find;
Obstetrics & Gynecology Science (a peer reviewed journal) states, “the incidence of biochemical pregnancy is between 8% and 33% of all pregnancies”. That seems like quite a large range, which indicates to me that there are a lot of unknowns when it comes to rates of chemical pregnancies.
Another stat from UCLA Health states that “it is estimated that at least 30-60% of all conceptions will end within the first 12 weeks of gestation. Up to 50% of the time, the woman doesn’t even realize that she was ever pregnant”. Again, that seems like a big range. This makes sense though, if half the time, women don’t even know they are pregnant. These women would obviously then not be able to report their pregnancies.
Another stat from Copperstate OB/GYN states that “chemical pregnancies account for 70% of all conceptions.” That’s a pretty large and interesting percentage; however, they do not site their source. So I’m not sure how reliable this statistic is.
Overall though, the above makes me think that chemical pregnancies are probably much more common than most realize. And in my case, this at least provides me with a little bit of comfort as I process my own early failed pregnancies.
What I ultimately spent some time doing and that I found more useful than trying to rely on sourceless statistics on the web, was reading through online forums of women sharing their experiences with chemical pregnancies and miscarriage. When I did this, I realized that there really are a lot of women who go through chemical pregnancies, and that my experience is not unique.
Many women experience chemical pregnancies and some experience multiple chemical pregnancies. Some of these women ultimately are able to stay pregnant later on, and some have an undetermined future when it comes to pregnancy. Many sites claim that most women will go on to have healthy pregnancies after miscarriage or a chemical pregnancy. There are a lot of women also though, who have no idea why they have repeated miscarriages or chemical pregnancies.
Pillarisetty & Mahdy (2022) state that “up to 50 percent of patients with RPL (repeated pregnancy loss) have no clearly defined etiology”. So I am learning to live with uncertainty, while hoping that I will be able to have another child one day. I also know though, that I may not and may never know why.
While I may not have many answers, I do hope that I brought some awareness to the oftentimes confusing issue around terms like “miscarriage”, “recurrent miscarriage” and “chemical pregnancy”.
I offer space in the comments below for anyone to share thoughts, feeling and/or experiences of early pregnancy loss.
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