Surviving, Occasionally Thriving & Always Learning
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These healthy toddler muffins with no added sugar are a big hit in our house! They are full of wholesome ingredients like carrots, oats, unsweetened applesauce, and almond butter.
Additionally, you can easily make these muffins gluten-free or vegan with a couple of tiny tweaks!
While I originally started making these carrot muffins for my toddler, I eat them too. And now my 1-year-old gobbles them up as well.
We love to spread some cream cheese or almond butter on top of a warm muffin for a healthy snack or as part of a hearty meal.
I am especially happy to have a batch of these wholesome muffins on hand on days that are busy and chaotic. There’s nothing like homemade snacks full of nutritious ingredients to bring everyone back to center.
I’ve tried out a number of healthy muffin recipes over the years (banana spinach muffins, yogurt blueberry muffins, peanut butter banana muffins, the list goes on), but this carrot muffin recipe is the one that we keep coming back to again and again.
Even without added sugar, these homemade muffins are still wonderfully sweet and toddler-approved.
This healthy recipe calls for unsweetened applesauce and almond butter as natural sweeteners. Applesauce additionally makes these muffins soft and moist. Almond butter also helps bind all the ingredients.
You can also add chopped raisins for an additional boost of sweetness. Raisins are a great source of iron for kids.
If you want to sweeten up these muffins even more, spread almond butter over the top of a muffin to add a sweet nutty flavor. Almond butter will also give your little ones a boost of protein along with some healthy fat! (Almond butter should be spread thinly for younger toddlers to prevent choking risk.)
These delectable kid-friendly muffins are a great source of nourishment. They are made with the following simple ingredients;
Aside from a little baking powder, baking soda, and vanilla extract, that’s it! No added sugars or long list of questionable ingredients.
A single muffin offers kids a whole grain (oats), a vegetable (carrots), a fruit (apple), a fat (coconut oil), and a protein (eggs) all in one!
Add a side of plain Greek yogurt for dipping or spread almond butter or cream cheese on top for more protein and a perfect healthy snack. Sub in unsweetened vanilla cashew yogurt or vegan cream cheese for a dairy-free option.
Not only are these muffins nutritional powerhouses, but they are also easy to make! You can mix all of the wet ingredients and dry ingredients in any old order into one large bowl. The only other dish you have to dirty besides a muffin tin is a fork for mixing! There are enough dishes to deal with when it comes to feeding kids, so let’s make baking as simple as possible.
My primary motivation to make these muffins is so that I can feed my kids healthy snacks, but I also like that I have something nourishing on hand for myself!
I have experienced sahm mom burnout and mom overstimulation firsthand, and I know how important it is to keep myself properly fueled throughout the day to keep up with rambunctious children. So these healthy muffins have become an easy breakfast or a great grab-and-go snack for the whole family.
While these carrot toddler muffins are not going to taste like the sugary carrot cake muffins you get from Starbucks, I can honestly say I enjoy these muffins just as much in their own way. And I feel good knowing that they are not jam-packed with refined sugar and other questionable ingredients.
These muffins are also easily packable to take on outings with little ones. While we often rely on store-bought packaged snacks while out and about, it’s nice to be able to take a fresh home-baked good instead from time to time.
Baking can get pretty messy and chaotic with toddlers, but I have found that this carrot muffin recipe is simple enough that I am 100% willing to invite my toddler to join in on the process.
It’s a great simple recipe to help kids learn about gathering, measuring, and mixing ingredients.
These muffins can easily accommodate a gluten-free diet by using gluten-free oat flour or gluten-free 1-1 baking flour. If making your own oat flour at home, just be sure that you buy a container of oats marked as gluten-free. Oats are naturally gluten-free, but not all are considered 100% gluten-free if they are processed and potentially contaminated in a factory with gluten products.
I have made these muffins using homemade oat flour, Bob’s Red Mill 1-1 Gluten-Free Baking Flour, whole wheat flour, and all-purpose flour. Oat flour gives them a dense nutty bran-like flavor, while gf-baking flour, all-purpose flour, and wheat flour give them a more subtle flavor.
To make these carrot muffins vegan-friendly, just substitute flaxseed meal for the eggs.
The Minimalist Baker recommends mixing 1 tablespoon of flaxseed meal with 2.5 tbsp of water to make a “flax egg“. After combining, let the mixture sit and thicken for 5 minutes before pouring in with the other muffin ingredients.
My 1-year-old has a cow’s milk allergy, so dairy-free milk options along with dairy-free meals and snacks have become very important. These muffins are perfect for her and she loves them!
She especially chows down on these homemade muffins when they have Trader Joe’s Vegan Cream Cheese spread on them. This cream cheese is a bit high in sodium and is not exactly loaded with nutrients, but it does provide some fats for growing little ones and a dash of pizazz!
Just leave out the almond butter and you have a perfectly wonderful nut-free muffin. While the almond butter adds some additional sweetness to these muffins, it is not necessary. I have made these muffins plenty of times without adding almond butter and I’m not sure that my toddler can tell the difference.
Adding in some raisins can really jazz up these muffins for toddlers. For our 1-year-old, I chop the raisins up before adding them to the muffin batter to prevent a choking hazard. If your little one is not a fan of chopped raisins, you can try adding some fresh diced apple pieces. Or just leave out any add-ins altogether for a more plain muffin.
For older kids you can add in some mini chocolate chips or maple syrup if you are less concerned about the sugar content of the muffins. Sometimes a couple of little chocolate chips can be very motivating to get a picky eater to devour an otherwise nutritious snack.
After experimenting with gluten-free baking flour, all-purpose flour, oat flour, and whole wheat flour, I favor using organic whole wheat flour. Wheat flour is more nutritious than all-purpose flour and it creates a less dense muffin than oat flour. That being said, I will make these muffins with any of the flours listed and am always pleased with them.
Compared to the other flour options, homemade oat flour tends to change the texture and density of these muffins. And when you initially pull them out of the oven they feel like they might fall apart. After they have cooled though, they are just fine!
Using applesauce creates a pretty mushy muffin batter, and originally I found it a little difficult to know when these muffins were fully baked.
I felt that no matter how long I left them in the oven baking, they still seemed a bit too moist inside. So I bought a kitchen thermometer to make sure I was baking the muffins long enough and they were reaching a high enough internal temperature. Thermoblog notes that muffins should be baked to an internal temperature of 200-205 degrees F.
I found that it took 23 minutes of baking time for these regular-sized muffins to reach an internal temperature of 200 degrees F. Oven temperatures may vary, so give or take a few minutes depending on your oven.
Even at an internal temperature of 200 degrees F, these muffins still may leave a little residue on a toothpick after you insert it, so just know that the toothpick method is not the most reliable with this recipe due to the applesauce.
If using a mini muffin pan, the bake time will be less. I have not made these as mini muffins myself, but Craftsy states that mini muffins typically need 10 to 13 minutes of baking time. I would go for at least 15 minutes with this recipe since these muffins take a few extra minutes than most muffin recipes when using a stand-sized muffin tin.
I always store these muffins in an air-tight container after they have completely cooled.
Master Class explains you can keep muffins in an airtight-container for up to 4-days at room temperature, and recommends sandwiching them in-between paper towels to absorb moisture.
Despite this advice, I still usually pop ours in the fridge and just warm them up before serving. My kids don’t mind when the texture of the muffin has a changed a bit due to refrigeration and I always know they are fresh that way.
Please be aware of any food allergies you and/or your child may have and adjust the recipe as needed.
Summary of Findings on The Best Non-Dairy Milk for Toddlers US scientific agencies (CDC, FDA) and professional associations (APA, AHA) recommend unsweetened fortified soy milk as the best substitute for cow’s milk for young children. 1-2 years of age is an important period of growth …
There are so many great activities for toddlers to explore in and around Portland, OR. I’ve included some of our favorite picks here! Toddler Friendly Parks Laurelhurst Park Laurelhlurst Park is located in southeast Portland. It is an amazing park for the whole family. Laurelhurst …
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Breastfeeding a 1-Year-Old: How Often?
As babies transition from infancy to toddlerhood, their nutritional needs evolve. Their relationship with breastfeeding also changes. Breastfeeding past the 1-year mark is often referred to as “extended breastfeeding”. Many benefits come with extended breastfeeding, as well as some challenges.
One of the challenges of extended breastfeeding is knowing how often to breastfeed a toddler to ensure that their nutritional needs are met. As it turns out, the answer to the question of how often to breastfeed a 1-year-old is not a simple one-size-fits-all kind of answer. This is because breastfeeding habits can vary drastically from one baby to the next.
Here are some of the factors that influence breastfeeding frequency;
Different mamas and their children are going to weigh in differently when it comes to the above factors.
So again, how much you breastfeed your 1-year-old will depend on your individual circumstances, your child’s diet, and your unique breastfeeding relationship with your child.
Please note that I am not a medical professional and all questions regarding your individual child’s needs should be directed to a healthcare professional. I share my experience with my children, but this may or may not apply to your individual circumstances.
While every mama and child will have a unique breastfeeding relationship and schedule, I offer mine here as an example. Some 1-year-olds may nurse more than mine, while others may nurse less. I came up with my breastfeeding schedule after doing a little research and assessing the factors listed above.
Here’s how that breaks down and why the frequency varies so much from day to day;
I have been exclusively breastfeeding my daughter since she was born, and have yet to regularly offer cow’s milk or an alternative milk. As such, she is still breastfeeding quite frequently to get all her essential nutrients in. When I begin supplementing with cow’s milk or an alternative milk, we will decrease her number of nursing sessions.
4-10 nursing sessions is a pretty wide range. While I would ideally like to stick to 4 nursing sessions a day, my daughter sometimes has other ideas. 1 year olds are going through huge developmental changes, and their level of distractibility is high!
So sometimes, getting her to finish a full good feed in one sitting is impossible. As soon as she hastily finishes one side, she will practically somersault off my lap to go play and explore before feeding from the second breast.
On these days, we end up doing sometimes 10 mini nursing sessions spread out over the day, and unfortunately sometimes the night. She may nurse for less than 5 minutes in a sitting during these mini-sessions.
So try as I might to stick to a fixed schedule, our breastfeeding schedule is largely dictated by her whims. As well as the whims of my 4-year-old and how much he wants to distract her while she’s breastfeeding.
As a stay-at-home mom, I can cater relatively easily to these whims and ebbs and flows that come with young children. Some moms need to follow strict schedules though, so again, one size does not fit all when it comes to breastfeeding young toddlers.
If young toddlers have not yet been introduced to cow’s milk or an alternative milk, breast milk remains a primary source of nutrition for them. While they are starting to get a lot of their dietary needs met through solid nutritious foods, breastmilk, whole milk or full fat/unsweetened alternative milks offer specific nutritional benefits like protein, fat, calcium, and vitamin D. The fats in milk are especially important for developing brains. Breast milk additionally offers beneficial antibodies that support a child’s immune system.
Young toddlers 12 months of age and older can start drinking cow’s milk or alternative milk, instead of breastmilk or in addition to breastmilk. There are some general professional recommendations;
WebMd states that toddlers should have no more than 3 cups (24 oz) of cow’s milk or alternative milk in a day. Toddlers who are breastfeeding and drinking human milk on the other hand, are not at risk for over-consuming breastmilk.
Too much dairy can interfere with the body’s ability to absorb iron, another important nutrient for developing children. Too much milk can also make children too full to consume solid foods and healthy snacks that offer other important nutrients. Milk is low in iron, so offering children Iron Rich Foods is important.
Note that some children may be allergic to cow’s milk, and exploring alternative milks is an option if not breastfeeding. Not all milks are created equal though, so check in with your pediatrician for specific recommendations.
Lactation Consultant experts state that 12-month-olds need 16-20 ounces (2-2.5 cups) of breastmilk every day.
The American Academy of Pediatrics however, does not offer a specific number when it comes to how much breast milk a one-year-old should drink. Instead, the emphasis seems to be on offering a variety of nutrient-rich foods and allowing young toddlers to self-regulate breastmilk intake.
World Nutrition explains that exclusively breastfed babies develop the ability to self-regulate their breast milk intake. Babies taking infant formula from a bottle on the other hand are relying on how much their caregivers are filling their bottles and encouraging bottle emptying.
From an evolutionary perspective, breastfed babies self-regulating makes sense given the fact that nursing mamas are not measuring out how much they are giving their babies.
Without relying on exact measurements, nursing mamas can instead give their attention to their toddler’s feeding cues and also distinguish between when a child wants to nurse for comfort versus due to hunger.
The amount of breastmilk that is considered a “full feed” varies from one toddler to the next. So again, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to breastfeeding frequency at the 1-year mark.
According to their studies, Medela states babies may take anywhere from just under 2oz up to about 8oz per nursing session. And that overall, some healthy babies drink around 17oz in a day, while other healthy babies drink nearly 48oz.
That’s quite a wide range! While their studies were done on babies under 6 months old, I assume this variability in milk intake is still relevant for 1-year-olds.
The range in numbers Medela gives serves as evidence that there is no one right answer to how often a 1-year-old should be breastfeeding. A 1-year-old who is taking in nearly 8 oz in a single feed certainly does not need to breastfeed as often as a 1-year-old who is only taking in a couple of ounces per feed.
Obviously a nursing mama cannot determine how much her baby is taking in, unless she is weighing her child with a sensitive scale before and after nursing sessions like lactation nurses do.
Mamas who want to have some sort of number in mind though, can try pumping to see how much they are producing. Even this though, is not a totally accurate way to know how much your little one is taking in.
For one, your body may not respond to pumping in the same way it does to your child latching. When I was occasionally pumping in the first few months of my baby’s life, it was sometimes taking up to 20 minutes to get a let down. With breastfeeding, I can feel the let down happening within the first minute or so of my baby latching.
I have also read that babies are more efficient at getting breastmilk out than a pump is, so you may not pump as much as your baby would get out while nursing. Additionally, the amount of breastmilk you produce can change depending on the time of day. If you pump in the morning, you may produce more or less than you would at night. Still, pumping can offer some insight into how much milk you typically produce.
The last time I pumped, I was producing about 2-3 ounces per breast every 3 hours or so. This was after my supply was well established, so I am assuming I still produce somewhere in that range.
So if a full feed for my baby is somewhere between 4-6 oz, then I figure breastfeeding her a minimum of 3-4 full feeds a day, in addition to meals and snacks with solid foods will meet her nutritional needs.
Since many of her nursing feeds these days are only partial feeds, I usually end up sitting down to do more frequent feeding; usually 5 or more times a day. As already stated though, different mamas and babies will end up with varying numbers of nursing sessions depending on their individual circumstances.
A full feed is when a child nurses until they are full. How long it takes a child to finish a full feed depends on several factors;
Generally speaking though, older babies and toddlers can get a full feed in pretty quickly. Nemours Kids Health states that older babies often take only 5-10 minutes on each breast to complete a full feed.
I have found this to be true with my 1-year-old. If fully awake and not distracted, she usually empties one breast in a little over 5 minutes.
In addition to guesstimating how much your toddler is taking in during a nursing session, you can tune in to their feeding cues.
What does your child do when trying to tell you that they want to nurse? What do they do when they are telling you that they are full?
As babies grow, their feeding cues become more nuanced and may vary from the clear signals exhibited during infancy. Here are some 1-year-old feeding cues to be aware of;
Verbal Communication Cues: At one year, toddlers may begin using simple words, gestures, or sign language to let you know when they want to breastfeed. Some young toddlers might say or sign for “milk”, or point to their mama.
I often ask my 1-year-old, “Do you want milk?”. If she is hungry or needs some comfort, she starts frantically babbling and smiling.
Body Language Cues: Young toddlers who are less verbal will give let you know they are hungry through their body language. They may reach for you or tug on your shirt, or lean in towards you and open their mouths.
Fussiness or Restlessness Cues: Irritability or restlessness may indicate hunger or a need for comfort. Offering the breast when your 1 year old is fussing can provide physical nourishment if hungry and emotional nourishment when unsettled.
Interest in Solid Foods: Offering both solid foods and breastmilk gives growing toddlers the nutrition they need. You may need to offer your child a variety of different solid foods before they will eat. Just because they refuse one type of food one day though, doesn’t mean that they won’t eat it another day. Their taste preferences can rapidly change, so continuing to offer a variety ensures they are exposed to lots of different flavors and textures, as well as nutrients.
If they are refusing a lot of solid foods one day, this could indicate that they are seeking a little more nourishment through breastfeeding on that particular day.
Nap and Bedtime Associations: Many breastfeeding babies nurse before naps or bedtimes, and young toddlers may come to rely on this as part of their sleep routine.
Latch and Jaw Movement While Nursing: You know your baby is hungry and ready to get a full feed in when she latches on well and you can see good jaw movement as she nurses.
Aside from tuning into a baby’s needs by reading their self-regulating breastfeeding cues as noted above, nursing moms can also keep track of their breastfed babies’ growth at routine wellness checks. If toddlers are starting to fall behind, this could be a sign that they are not getting enough calories and nutrients in during the day.
At every wellness check, pediatric staff will weigh your child and measure their height. They will note where your child falls relative to other children their age in terms of their physical growth.
Your pediatrician should say something if they are concerned about your child’s weight dropping or increasing significantly from their previous appointment, or if your child is very low in their growth percentiles. If your child’s health care provider is concerned with your child’s growth, they will likely inquire about your child’s diet and make some recommendations.
My daughter’s pediatrician did note though, that it is often normal for young toddlers’ weight to temporarily dip as they become more active between 1 and 2 years old.
The World Health Organization recommends exclusively breastfeeding for the first 6 months of life and then up until 2 years of age or beyond. Some mamas decide to breastfeed for 2 years or more, but many can’t or do not want to.
There are other healthy alternatives to extended breastfeeding, so if a mama wants to stop breastfeeding at any point, that is her choice to make. To determine whether or not extended breastfeeding is right for you, here are some questions to ask yourself;
In my case, I thought I was going to wean my baby as soon as she turned 1 year old. I thought I was done with breastfeeding and was looking forward to regaining my bodily autonomy. And hopefully reducing night time wakings!
As it turns out, I’m not quite ready to end my nursing relationship with my daughter. After she recently turned 1, I talked about weaning her a lot, yet I still found myself nursing around the clock. I’m continuing to maintain a regular feeding schedule, and continuing to hem and haw over whether I want to continue breastfeeding.
Benefits of Extended Breastfeeding for Moms
While breastfeeding is a lot of work, there are advantages not just for the breastfeeding child, but for mom too!
The CDC notes that breastfeeding reduces the risk of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure.
The National Library of Medicine states, “breastfeeding reduces the risk of breast cancer by 4.3% for every 12 months of breastfeeding, which is in addition to the 7.0% decrease in risk observed for each birth.” As a mama who lost her own mother to breast cancer, these numbers motivate me to continue breastfeeding. I want to be around for my children as long as possible, and with a family history of breast cancer, I know that I need to be cognizant of reducing risk whenever I can.
While there are health benefits for mom when it comes to extended breastfeeding, there are also some challenges. Some of these challenges may include;
If you are continuing to offer regular breastfeeding sessions, but notice your young toddler is not all that interested, they may be starting the weaning process themselves.
My first baby self-weaned shortly after 12 months old, and it took me by surprise! If you are wondering whether or not your child is in the process of weaning themselves, you can familiarize yourself with Baby Self-Weaning Signs.
Getting through a full year of breastfeeding is quite the feat. While some moms may feel that it is no big deal, my guess is that most moms are feeling like they have climbed and conquered Mount Everest. I know I did. After experiencing excruciating Nipple Pain, Recurring Milk Blebs, clogged ducts, and countless night feedings, I feel like I deserve a medal.
For myself, part of me wants to continue breastfeeding my 12-month-old, but part of me is ready to move on to the next phase of life without breastfeeding.
If I stop breastfeeding, I do not have to factor in nursing sessions into our daily schedule, which can be pretty busy with a 1-year-old and a wild 4-year-old in my case. The regained sense of bodily autonomy would also be a benefit for me. Still though, I cling on to breastfeeding my 1-year-old for emotional reasons.
All mamas have unique relationships with their children when it comes to breastfeeding, so there is no one-size-fits-all approach to breastfeeding frequency. Knowing how often to breastfeed a one-year-old involves awareness regarding feeding cues and young toddlers’ evolving nutritional needs.
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If you are dealing with stay-at-home mom burnout, you are not alone. Raising children full time is hard work and can get the best of anyone.
While all mamas have the occasional hard day, a burnt out mama lives in survival mode. She has a torturously hard day everyday, or most days. She feels depleted, disconnected and discouraged.
Here’s a picture of what mommy burnout looked like for me;
I woke up every day feeling exhausted after a poor night’s sleep. My 11-month-old baby was still waking frequently in the night and I was nursing around the clock.
I was having bursts of irritability and anger throughout the day, and stuffing those feelings deep down inside of me, so that I would not yell at my children.
I was frustrated and exasperated with my 4-year-old when I had to ask him over and over to brush his teeth and get dressed. When I had to tell him no or not to do x, y, and z again and again.
I was trudging through my days and generally drowning in motherhood.
I was craving wine at the end of the day. I wanted to slip into a relaxed state of aloofness to get through dinner and bedtime routines.
And in the mornings, I wanted caffeine. I wanted caffeine all day long. I thought that it would somehow make up for all the hours of lost sleep and help me keep up with the demands of young children. If it were not for the fact that I was nursing, I’d certainly be polishing off bottles of wine and bags of coffee. Instead, I resorted to polishing off bags of cookies and sweet treats. Rationalizing my sugar intake was necessary fuel to face the day.
And then there was the loneliness. That looming feeling of vacancy and bleakness. I was lonely at night, sitting in the dark in my nursing chair feed after feed. And lonely during the days when I found myself without any other adults to talk to. I wanted some mom friends, but I was too exhausted to put the effort in to make it happen. And in any free time, I just wanted to be alone in the quiet. So my world was starting to feel very small.
I had been clumsily staggering around in this state for weeks, not realizing that I was starting to circle the drain. What finally made me realize that I was on a sure and steady decline was when my body started to revolt. I started getting daily stomach cramps and was generally feeling unwell. My body was alerting me that things had gone too far.
I was fried, frazzled, and plain old burnt out.
Once I realized that anger, irritability, chronic exhaustion, and an aching body were becoming my new norm, I realized that I desperately needed a mommy burnout intervention. STAT. I didn’t like being a tired mama. Not for myself, not for my children, and not for my partner.
How was I going to give my children all that they deserved when I was an empty vessel?
As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
After writing down all of my burnout signs and symptoms, I realized they all fit into one of the following categories; physical exhaustion, emotional exhaustion, feelings of isolation, and escape fantasies.
Physical Exhaustion
Mental/Emotional Exhaustion
Isolation
Escape Fantasies
Hypervigilance can become a state of being for many stay-at-home parents. Choking hazards, sharp objects and any other potential hazards take up a surprisingly large portion of my attention during the day. And even at night, I wake up to the smallest sniffle.
So this hypervigilance combined with a lack of sleep and the overstimulation of being around energetic young children everyday takes a toll on a mama’s nervous system.
And for breastfeeding moms, nursing a baby is its own full time physically demanding job. This on top of sometimes a long recovery process after pregnancy and childbirth, can leave moms feeling physically depleted. MedicineNet states that it may take up to a year or longer for some women’s bodies to return to normal after pregnancy and childbirth.
Additionally, premamawellness states that in the case of postnatal depletion, it can take up to 10 years to recover all the lost nutrients from pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding.
And if general exhaustion isn’t enough to get our attention, our bodies will start screaming at us. They will respond to chronic stress in unpleasant ways. Stomach aches, digestive issues, aches, pains, headaches, and nausea might start becoming regular occurrences.
Emotional Exhaustion
Physical and emotional exhaustion usually go hand in hand. When we aren’t feeling the best version of ourselves physically, we tend to not feel very good emotionally.
So little things that normally aren’t a big deal may start to trigger big yucky feelings, most notably anger and irritation. In my case, I also started noticing I was experiencing feelings of drudgery around caring for my children.
Moms often get the message that they are supposed to cherish every day with their young children, because they don’t last forever. Insert; mom shame and mom guilt. What if you don’t love everyday and moment of being a mom? Does that make you a bad mom?
Certainly not. But sometimes it feels like it does.
Feelings of inadequacy also start to creep in when dealing with mom burnout. Negative self-talk becomes the norm and you start wondering why you can’t do everything like all those rockstar moms you scroll by on social media.
Isolation
The idea of having a group of mom friends sounds amazing. In reality, that takes time and effort which can feel impossible for a tired stay-at-home mama. There is no longer that automatic socializing that happens with coworkers in an office space when you are a sahm.
Any socializing during the day as a stay-at-home parent has to be strategically planned and executed (unless you count talking to the grocery store clerk as socializing, which sadly I have).
And if you are a mama without any family members close by, that pretty much leaves you with you, yourself, and your kids when your partner is at work. That lack of a support system and social network can feel pretty darn isolating. You know you should do something about it, but trying to find that proverbial village is just one more thing on your never ending to-do list.
Additionally, when it comes to just getting out of the house with kids, there are many steps involved that exhausted moms are not always up for; packing snacks, grabbing diapers and extra clothes, loading up the stroller, making everyone go potty, nursing, etc etc.
And then once you have finally managed to get out of the house, there is always the question of whether or not your child will have a meltdown, how much patience you will need to exercise, and how well your children will listen in busy parking lots or crowded store aisles.
While I may daydream about long, slow quiet days without the responsibilities of motherhood, never do I ever want to trade this mom life for another.
Still though, at my pinnacle of burnout, staying in bed all day by myself sounded like the ultimate dream vacation. Never mind those fantasy vacations to the Maldives I once imagined. I could not even muster enough energy to pack a bag for that trip now.
Aside from a vacation under a cozy blanket, I also found myself thinking about how nice an escape into a glass of wine would be. While I’m not at all opposed to a glass here and there, I know that there is a difference between enjoying the occasional glass verses drinking as an escape.
In the same vein, bingeing on a good tv show can make for a fun relaxing night; however, binge-watching every single night is not ideal. Not only does it mean lost hours of sleep, but it can also be a sign of feeling unfulfilled in your own life as you lose yourself in the orchestrated lives of tv characters.
Feeling burnt out and on the verge of a breakdown is no way to live. In a research article on burnout, the European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology explains that in the final stage of burnout, their study participants felt that they had no control over their stressors and had lost motivation to continue performing tasks. Fizzling out like that is simply not an option for us mamas. Our families need us and we need them.
So I signed myself up for a mom burnout recovery intervention. I am already seeing results from this self-directed intervention, but I know that I will seek professional help if I end up getting stuck in parental burnout mode for too long. Because if symptoms persist despite making some changes, it’s important to either rule out or get treatment for other mental health issues such as postpartum depression.
There are differences between mom burnout and postpartum depression, but they can look very similar. Generally speaking, What to Expect explains that postpartum depression impacts how a mom feels about all areas of life, whereas parental burnout is more specific to child-rearing stressors.
Making a concrete plan to address mom burnout is the first step in healing and recovery. And writing that plan down in a journal can help keep you accountable along your journey. A written record also helps you clearly see how things are progressing and what’s helping or what’s not.
Additionally, keeping a small journal with recovery steps and progress notes sends a message to yourself that your recovery is important and worth giving your time and attention.
Here are 10 tips to include in your recovery plan.
Young children need A LOT of time and energy from their parents. As such, I have found that I need to adjust my high expectations about what I can get done in the limited time in a day. When I take some of the pressure off and recognize my limits, I do not try to push myself beyond what is healthy and sustainable.
While reaching for the stars is a great sentiment in life and with goal setting, sometimes the glow-in-the-dark stars in your child’s bedroom are better metaphorical stars to reach for than the ones that are light years away. This doesn’t mean we have to give up on our dreams and ambitions, but rather accept that things likely need to happen in stages and more slowly than we originally planned.
There is always going to be enough time for the most important things. Pick those things that are most important to you, and focus on those first. The rest will come in time.
If you are tempted to try and fit everything in, it can be helpful to make a NOT to-do list in addition to a to-do list with priorities.
Speaking of prioritizing, the first thing that should be on a priority list is addressing sleep deprivation and getting some quality rest. I’ve noticed that my moods and physical symptoms like stomach aches and digestive upsets are directly related to how much sleep I’ve had.
While I spent most of my young adult life going to bed well past midnight, I have now finally come around to the fact that as long as I’m waking up multiple times in the night and early in the mornings, I simply must go to bed right after my children are asleep. Without enough sleep, there’s no getting past major burn out.
Perhaps the best thing I did to start addressing my sahm burnout was to sit down and write down the problems contributing to my burnout.
When I got clear on the problems and made them concrete with words, the answers to address those problems became clear and manageable as well.
While taking a day off from motherhood usually isn’t possible, busy mamas can always find the time to take some deep breaths. It may not sound like a big deal, but consciously breathing in and out sends a signal to the brain and body that all is well. It can help soothe the nervous system and take us out of flight, fight or freeze mode.
And when my husband is home and I can retreat to a quiet undisturbed space, I like to lay down and listen to a guided meditation or hypnosis audio on YouTube (I like Jayne Corner’s channel, The Calm and Happy Gut). Relaxing the body through conscious breathwork and mental relaxation is especially important if you are experiencing physical symptoms of burnout.
It’s easy to feel like you should always be doing something for your children and taking care of your family. We get used to having very little quiet time, so we start to normalize a life without rest.
Even small pockets of time can be used to recharge, and we have to take these pockets whenever we can get them. Some moms may find rest and rejuvenation through quiet alone time, while others may find it while out on a date night or out to dinner with friends. 
The point is to just do whatever it is you find to be totally relaxing. For me, that’s watching a tv show in bed with multiple hot drinks!
Anything that isn’t urgent (and most things aren’t), can be addressed slowly and mindfully. Or at least not in a frenzied state. We can focus on one task at a time and tell ourselves we will get done what we can. This gives us some breathing room and helps keep busy parents from becoming overwhelmed or feeling like they have to do it all.
We can apply this slow and mindful approach to eating and keeping our minds and bodies properly fueled throughout the day as well. As a nursing mama, I try to keep lots of my favorite nutritious easy snacks on hand.
Feelings come and go. The good ones and the bad ones. One of my favorite terms by Dan Siegel is, “name it to tame it”. By simply naming and acknowledging our feelings, we lessen their power over us. If a feeling can be identified and contained with words, it is not so overwhelming. It can be felt and it can be managed.
It’s time to start calmly, clearly, and with love set boundaries; for ourselves and others. As I learn assertive parenting skills, I find myself feeling less overwhelmed during the day.
We can assert healthy boundaries around daily routines like bedtimes, clean up and quiet time (for ourselves and our children).
When we are feeling vulnerable, it is easy to compare ourselves to others; at least to how we perceive them, whether or not those perceptions are accurate.
We all have our own experiences and struggles, and comparison is simply not a good lens to use when examining who we are as mothers or individuals.
I am definitely not a perfect parent or a tireless wonder woman, but I am a decently good mom. I am a good enough mom because I am aware of my struggles, and I am always willing to put the work in to do better; for me and my family.
In our culture of instant gratification, we do not like to hear that something is going to take a long time. Medical News Today states that recovering from burnout can take anywhere from a few months to over a year.
That timeline sounds pretty daunting, but in the grand scheme of things, that’s a quick blip in time. So lets all start taking small steps today to take care of ourselves. We can not expect to feel 100% in a day or two. We need to remember that recovery and healing takes time and persistence.
If strategizing about a hundred different ways to recover from parental burnout feels like too much, a simpler way to approach it is this;
Start mothering yourself.
We mother our children by doing everything we can to nurture them physically, mentally and emotionally. We do this by establishing routines, setting boundaries and giving them all of our love and care. This is what we need to do for ourselves too.
So love yourself, support yourself and keep on keeping on!
Related:
Postpartum Insomnia and Strategies for a Better Night’s Sleep
Fighting Stay at Home Mom Shame
Minimalist Practices to Prevent Parent Burnout
Assertive Parenting Style to Help Mom Keep Her Calm
Fighting Mom Guilt on Mother’s Day (and every other day)
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There are a lot of big developments for kids in the preschool years, but not all kids at this age are necessarily ready for a big birthday bash. Or, parents may be on a tight budget or simply not have the bandwidth to throw a wild birthday party with screaming children. So, how to celebrate a birthday without a party?
I’m here to say that it’s perfectly okay to forego a traditional birthday party. There are so many other ways to make our kids feel special, and that’s really what their big day is all about!
Every child and their family’s situation is unique, so there is no one right answer to the question of whether or not a particular child should have a birthday party.
Here are some of the factors I considered though, when deciding whether or not to throw a birthday party for my preschooler.
The first reason we decided to keep my 4 year old’s birthday low key is that my son is still very much figuring out how to navigate social situations and life with his peers.
He’s interested in other kids, but he still seems to be more in the observation and parallel play stage of things, rather than in the direct play stage. He also never talks about other kids or requests playdates, so developmentally speaking, having a full on birthday party didn’t seem warranted.
Additionally, playdates usually end up being a lot of work for me. I’m often trying to juggle socializing with the other parent, carting my 10 month old around, and responding to my son who is usually clinging to me. So I’m always completely wiped out after these “playdates”.
So I can’t imagine trying to manage a birthday party, which is basically a playdate on speed.
Simple and special do not have to be exclusive of one another! And sometimes less really is more.
Some basic birthday decorations, small gifts, favorite treats, a family outing, and lots of play time throughout the day can make for a special day for a preschooler.
While little kids go bananas over extravagant decorations and presents, it’s the feeling of connection and love with others that is going to stick with them as they grow older.
As I thought of some non birthday party ideas for my son, I thought about what he loves and what makes him happy. And luckily, 3 and 4 year olds get a kick out of relatively simple things; eg balloons, homemade birthday crowns, rainbow sprinkles, and of course lots of attention.
So below are some fun and simple ways to celebrate a birthday without a party.
Nothing fancy here, just a birthday banner and balloons. Anything that’s different, colorful and floating is pretty exciting to a 4 year old, so no need to do anything too outrageous or pricey.
I bought a birthday banner and a pack of colorful balloons from the dollar store, and then a couple fun foil balloons from the grocery store.
My son was absolutely thrilled.
There’s nothing like starting out a little one’s day with a favorite breakfast. In my son’s case, german pancakes with rainbow sprinkles, a big berry fruit salad and bacon! And of course all sitting together at the table and showering him with attention.
My son loves birthday crowns. And it’s so easy to make an extravagant little crown out of colorful pipe cleaners! You can make all sorts of fun curly cue shapes and the number of how old they’re turning to top it off.
My 4 year old also loved it when we made party crowns to wear ourselves.
I wrote down a bunch of questions on small pieces of paper and put them in a cup for my son to draw from while we ate breakfast. Examples of the types of questions I wrote down were, “What’s your favorite song?”, “What makes you happy?”, “What do you love to do?”, etc.
I initially got this idea from my son’s preschool. Whenever it is a kid’s birthday, the teachers make the kid a crown, gather everyone in a circle, and ask the birthday kid questions about himself.
I also googled kids’ birthday interview questions and pulled some from Present Profitable Mom. This is such a great way to make kids feel special, seen and heard.
My husband and I strive to keep presents pretty simple. We don’t like having a billion toys in the house and would rather put money towards experiences and savings/investments. I do love getting my son presents though, so I made sure he had a couple of special gifts.
He got a new set of neon paints ($10) and a mini remote control Tesla Hot Wheels car ($18). Nothing too fancy, but both will provide him with hours and hours of entertainment.
While my 4 year old really wanted to go to an indoor playground with slides and things to crawl all over for his birthday, said playground was closed. So instead, we headed downtown for some site seeing and a bakery treat. Going downtown is out of the ordinary for us, and my son loves the energy of the city and watching all the tram-trains go by.
I think toddlers and kids pick up so much on the energy around them, so the hustle and bustle of a city can be pretty invigorating and stimulating for them.
Or conversely, the serenity and spaciousness of an outing in nature would have also offered a great budget friendly no party birthday experience. Any place that offers a sense of novelty and expansive energy is great for young kids.
Even though my son is still pretty hesitant around his peers, he sure does love to video chat with friends and family. He doesn’t really say anything to anyone while “chatting”, but he seems to enjoy seeing everyone’s faces and having people talk to him.
So I didn’t actually manage to put a slideshow of baby pictures together, but I still think it would be a great idea for future birthdays. My son loves hearing about being born and what he was like as a baby.
And anytime he sees one of his baby pictures, he is immediately enthralled. So I am going to try to throw this one into the mix for next year.
My 4 year old also requested I sing the birthday song to him earlier in the day as well, so I love that the simple act of singing someone a song can make them feel loved and special.
Our regular bedtime routine includes jammies, brushing teeth, a book and then a story. So we did all that and then showered him with extra snuggles.
Next year, I want to continue with the theme of simple is best, but also adapt my son’s birthday celebration to how he is developing socially. If he has established some good little friendships, I want him to have fun celebrating with his buddies. If he still isn’t quite there yet, we will continue our small family celebrations.
I think birthdays are a great way to help our kids recognize their importance and have fun. So celebrating in a way that honors where they are at developmentally is important.
And while I don’t want to be an overbearing mama who coddles her child, I am certainly going to do what I can to make my children’s birthdays memorable and full of joy and love!
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I’m so excited about our DIY christmas tree this year! It was a lot of fun to put together as a family and it feels perfectly festive and magical. My 3 year old has also been having a blast playing in and around it. And anything that keeps that wild guy entertained is a major plus!
Prior to concocting our alternative Christmas tree, we debated getting a real one or a fake one. With a growing concern for our environment and a hope to model eco-friendly and sustainable practices to my children though, I did not feel quite right about buying a real or a fake tree.
Luckily, we had some stuff lying around that we could use to make our very own eco-friendly alternative Christmas tree! Our DIY tree is also budget friendly and has a minimalist flare, so I also love those aspects of it.
Here’s what we used for our alternative Christmas tree;
Next we bunched up the top of the curtains, tied a string around them and hooked the string to the ceiling hook.
Once the curtains were draping from floor to ceiling, we gathered another pair of old unused curtains and found a big bag of old clothes my toddler had grown out of.
We dumped the clothes in the curtains and rolled them up! These curtain burritos become the base of the tree to hold the curtains in place on the floor.
For anyone trying out this diy Christmas tree, you could also use towels or sheets as well to roll up some clothes or really anything with a bit of weight! And while voile curtains have a nice transparency to them, any old bedsheet would work too!
The whole point of this alternative tree is to use things you already have laying around the house so you don’t have to go buy stuff. Applause for a budget friendly, minimalist and eco-friendly Christmas!
Next come the decorations. My favorite part!
We used a strand of curtain twinkle fairy lights and wrapped them around the base of the tree and then gathered them altogether up at the top. You could really make any string lights you have work for this.
Getting the rest of the decorations together and putting them on the “tree” was definitely a multi-step, multi-day process. I love this though, because it gave my toddler and me a fun ongoing project to work on. Not only did it provide hours of toddler Christmas crafts entertainment (and help me keep my sanity), but I genuinely had fun as well and I love that my toddler gets the experience of doing a step-by-step project.
Plus, it gave my son a chance to get acquainted with the idea that sometimes worthwhile things take time. We live in a culture of instant gratification, and I think that mentality can really do a big disservice to growing minds. And really for all of us for that matter.
We tried out a dough recipe to make the ornaments, but ultimately ended up using my toddler’s playdough. The dough recipe we originally tried made very hard dough and was tricky for my toddler to roll out and cut out shapes with on his own.
So luckily, we had a stash of our soft and squishy DIY Playdough we were able to use with the cookie cutters instead of the basic salt dough recipe we found online for ornaments. Here’s our DIY Playdough Recipe.
We rolled tiny evergreen clippings and flowers into some of the ornaments, and also experimented with making evergreen prints in the playdough.
Something about using cookie cutters and making imprints in playdough is incredibly exciting to toddlers. We also used a cup to make big circle ornaments, so if you don’t have any cookie cutters, just used whatever you can find!
We let the dough ornaments dry out over a few days (you can pop them in the oven or microwave to make the process faster), and then used paperclips to hook them on our voile curtain “tree”. And these ornaments can go right in the compost after the holidays, or we might store them for next year since they should be completely dried out.
So after our lights and dough ornaments were up, we gathered a bunch of clippings from an evergreen bush and a berry bush we have in our yard. My toddler loved going outside to do this.
If you don’t have any Christmasy foliage accessible, you could find some at a place like Home Depot or maybe a local nursery or anywhere they sell Christmas trees.
Next we used a large needle to thread some yarn and tie the tree clippings on. My toddler helped cut the yarn and place the branches.
And voila, a magical play space and diy christmas tree wrapped up into one!
Please share your diy christmas tree ideas or experience trying out this “tree” at home!
Happy crafting!
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Breastfeeding is one of the most arduous tasks of motherhood.
It is time intensive and sometimes quite uncomfortable and painful. And unfortunately for some, dealing with issues like milk blisters and milk blebs are part of the job description.
In my case, I found out that milk blebs in-particular can be very painful. I experienced shooting pains both during and for up to two hours after breastfeeding when my milk bleb was at its worst.
I had experienced Nipple Pain When Breastfeeding before, but this was something different. This milk bleb appeared a few weeks after I had popped a milk blister in the exact same spot.
Sometimes I couldn’t sleep at night and had to breathe through the waves of what felt like a needle stabbing me in the nipple. Ouch! I even started to question whether I had mastitis or thrush after consulting Dr. Google about my pain symptoms.
Long story short, I treated my milk bleb at home for a few weeks, and eventually it went away! But after being bleb free for a few weeks, another milk bleb appeared in the same spot as the previous bleb. And while this one is not usually painful during or after breastfeeding, it has been hanging out for several weeks now. So I’m here to share what worked and what has not worked for me on this unfortunately long milk bleb journey.
What to Expect explains that milk blisters (or blebs) are the result of clogged nipple pores. This can happen when;
As I have continued to search for information on milk blebs though, I have found a couple of interesting sources explaining blebs in more depth. And this has changed how I think about them and treat them at home.
Physician Guide to Breastfeeding explains that milk blebs are a combination of “shedding inflammatory cells, cholesterol/fats in milk, and bacterial byproducts”. So it’s not just clogged milk or skin growing over a nipple, but it’s also all the bacterial gunk and inflammation that comes along with clogged ducts. Knowing this, treating a bleb is not as simple as “popping it” or extracting out a strand of thickened milk. And these tactics can in fact make things worse.
I also want to distinguish between a milk bleb and a milk blister, because I have also had a milk blister. My milk bleb appeared as a small irregularly shaped opaque yellowish white spot on my nipple, beneath the top layer of skin. The milk blister I had on the other hand, appeared more translucent and was more superficial, fluid filled and raised. And what worked for my milk blister, has not been helpful with my milk bleb.
While most sources from a google search lead one to believe that a milk bleb and milk blister are the same thing, I think making a distinction is helpful. Healthline explains that you can see fluid build up behind a milk blister, and that it will bulge when you apply pressure to the area. A bleb on the other hand, remains flat, although you can see a whitish/yellowish irregularly shaped spot on the nipple.
In my case, both my milk blister and milk bleb led to painful breastfeeding, and because they occurred in the exact same spot, I believe the blister eventually formed into the bleb after I had popped it. Popping it provided immediate relief and the hard lump in my breast disappeared after milk came pouring out, but, I am now dealing with a stubborn bleb. And I made my bleb worse by continuing to poke at it with a needle. Ouch.
As mentioned, clogged ducts can cause milk blisters and blebs when milk gets backed up and hardens or skin grows over a pore. But why do milk ducts get clogged and skin grow where its not supposed to in the first place?
In the case of clogged ducts, breastfeeding.support suggests that clogged ducts and resulting blebs may be due to issues like;
If a mother has an oversupply of milk, her breasts may not be fully draining after nursing sessions and her milk may get backed up. And as discussed above, additional problems associated with clogs develop like inflammation and bacterial byproducts contributing to a stubborn bleb.
Additionally, breastfeeding.support explains that skin can grow over a pore due to
This kind of nipple trauma can occur with an issue like improper latch and the resulting wound and healing process. Physician Guide to Breastfeeding states however, that blebs are not related to latch. So, who is to say?
In my mind though, it does seems that an improper latch could aggravate a bleb by causing more inflammation to already damaged tissues.
In more news, apparently wearing too tight of bras can cause milk blisters and blebs. The Breastfeeding Companion explains that too tight of bras can cause milk blisters and blebs by putting too much pressure on certain spots of your breasts. And this can lead to clogged ducts, and sometimes eventually milk blisters and blebs.
In review, possible causes of milk blisters and blebs include;
As already discussed, milk blisters and blebs can be quite painful. Cleveland Clinic explains that you may experience this pain directly on the bleb or blister, or further back behind it. I can attest to experiencing this pain, and at its worst, I felt like I was being intermittently pricked with a needle deep in my breast and nipple.
The pain from my milk blister was different than my milk bleb, with the bleb being quite a bit more painful and prolonged.
Before I noticed I had a milk blister, I started to feel a clog building. Anytime I touched or even rubbed against a certain spot on my breast, it felt extremely tender. I could also feel a distinctly hard lump where the clog was.
So when I realized I had a clog, I started to try and work it out. But no matter how much massaging, heat compresses, breastfeeding and pumping I did, the clog would not budge. And it started getting more and more painful.
This situation is concerning, because untreated clogged ducts can lead to mastitis (inflammation and infection in your breast).
I also had a lot of localized nipple pain when breastfeeding. Nothing seemed to help.
After some googling and examining my nipple, I realized I had a milk blister. I could see a little translucent fluid filled sack on my nipple. And while many sources discourage popping a milk blister, I was desperate.
Luckily, with a husband who is a surgical nurse, we had some sterilized needles on hand. So I opened one up and very very carefully made the tiniest prick on the milk blister. (Note that medical professionals will almost certainly advice against popping a milk blister yourself. This doesn’t mean you can’t find tons of desperate mommas in forums online saying that they went ahead and popped their milk blisters.)
Immediate relief! Milk started pouring out of the nipple pore. It just kept draining and draining, and that hard lump on my breast where the clog was slowly softened. And five minutes later, it was as though that stubborn clog and milk blister had never happened. Or so I thought.
A few weeks later, I started experiencing pain on that same side as the milk blister during and after nursing. Only this time, I started getting shooting pains after feeds that would last for an hour or two.
At first these shooting pains weren’t too concerning, but one night, I could hardly stand them they got so intense. This started to worry me.
After some googling, I thought my pain symptoms were indicative of thrush. But, I saw no sign of thrush in my baby’s mouth or around my nipple and breast. I did however, have a small irregularly shaped off white spot on my nipple. And this was my very stubborn bleb. Right where my milk blister had been weeks earlier.
My theory is that the bleb formed during the healing process where I had poked the milk blister, creating inflammation and bacterial byproducts as Physician Guide to Breastfeeding discusses.
This milk bleb was problematic for about 3 weeks before it cleared up. And I was bleb free for a short time. But, unfortunately I have another bleb that has formed in the exact same spot. And this one has been hanging out for a couple of months, so I have continued to try and treat it at home.
A google search will tell a momma to massage, apply a warm compress and nurse or pump often to get rid of a milk blister or bleb. In the case of the milk blister I had, I did not find any of these things to work. So, I decided to try popping the blister with a very tiny sterile needle.
I guess the answer to this question depends on who you ask, but I’m assuming most medical professionals would advice against popping a milk blister due to risk of infection. When I asked my primary care provider about popping a blister or poking at a milk bleb, she said to definitely not do either of those things.
And Physician Guide to Breastfeeding says to definitely not take a needle to nipple due to tissue damage and the resulting cascade of effects that can lead to blebs.
I got a little desperate with my milk blister though, and for me, I found using a needle (very small and sterile) to poke a tiny hole to let milk drain was the only thing to provide relief. This was the case with my milk blister only. And it ultimately may have been the cause for the formation of my milk bleb.
I wonder if the blister would have eventually popped if I soaked it in warm water and then continued to nurse, but things were getting dire. The lump in my breast from the clog was growing and I could hardly touch the area because it was so tender. And I was afraid if I let that clog sit and grow for too long I would be susceptible to developing mastitis.
So while I don’t necessarily regret popping that milk blister, I’m fairly certain that poking at my blebs that formed later on with a needle made things worse. With the blebs, there did not seem to be any milk to drain. Just gunk stuck in there. And I only further damaged the delicate tissues by poking at them, and even making them bleed a little.
So I’m now avoiding needles and turning to sunflower lecithin capsules and epsom salt nipple soaks to help with healing instead.
Supposedly, sunflower lecithin helps make your milk more slippery to treat and prevent clogged ducts. And aside from helping with clogs, HealthNews claims the supplement can reduce inflammation, support cardiovascular, brain, skin, gut and liver health, as well as help with sleep.
And for epsom salt soaks, I fill a little shot glass with warm water and a clump of epsom salt and just pop it right over my nipple for a few minutes.
Wishing all the mommas out there continued strength, patience and endurance on their breastfeeding journeys!
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