Painful Breastfeeding as a New Mom

I want to share my story with new and expecting moms about painful breastfeeding, because I wish I had known more about it before I started my breastfeeding journey. While not all new moms find breastfeeding painful, there are many who do, and this story is for them. 

Breastfeeding Challenges: Feeling Like a Failure as a New Mother

The first couple months of trying to breastfeed were more difficult than I ever could have imagined. Prior to that first week of breastfeeding, I assumed breastfeeding would happen naturally and easily. And while my baby and I eventually figured it out, it took a couple of months! 

Physical Breastfeeding Pain

While there are a number of challenges that breastfeeding can pose (eg issues with latching, milk supply, etc), for me the issue was that it was painful. My nipples were sore, swollen and cracked those first few weeks.

I dreaded breastfeeding. I felt like a little shark was biting into me every time my baby latched. I would cringe as I did my very best to continue letting him feed. 

If this is your particular concern as well, I share specific tools and tactics I used after my second child was born to manage the pain in my post on Nipple Pain When Breastfeeding and How to Manage It.

Emotional Breastfeeding Pain

Because things were not going smoothly, I felt like a horrible failure as a new mother. I distinctly remember this feeling hitting me in full force one night in the hospital just a day or two after my son was born.

I went to take my first shower post birth, and I was really looking forward to it. Showers have always helped me reset and feel refreshed. Unfortunately, as soon as the water hit my chest I felt an electric jolt run through my body. The force and sting of the water hitting my sore nipples brought me to tears. 

In that moment, everything felt impossible. There were likely other factors contributing to this feeling (lack of sleep, general physical discomfort, postpartum hormones), but all I could think about was how I was already failing as a mother. 

Reaching a Breaking Point with Breastfeeding

So during my hospital stay post-birth, lactation specialists were frequently visiting my room and offering advice and encouragement. Their tips and tricks on positioning and latch were somewhat helpful, but I was still dealing with ongoing nipple pain. I was feeling demoralized and frustrated.

Some of the nurses watched me breastfeed to make sure my son was latching properly, and they all said he was doing just fine. It didn’t feel fine though, and I started to wonder what was wrong with me since no-one else seemed particularly alarmed by my situation.

A couple of nurses recounted their own experiences with breastfeeding and said that over time my nipples would toughen up. I finally reached a point though, where I didn’t feel like I could continue trying to breastfeed. This felt horrible, but I just couldn’t do it.

Alternatives to Breastfeeding

Pumping Breastmilk

I wish I had asked for support from the hospital staff regarding alternatives to breastfeeding or adjustments that could be made, such as pumping or using nipple shields. In my experience, it seemed that this information was never freely offered and that staff are supposed to push a new mother to exclusively breastfeed.

While I understand that there are important benefits for baby in regards to breastfeeding and having breastmilk, I think that there is a need to consider a mother’s mental health and what she is capable of tolerating physically as well. And it is unfortunate that this is not taken into greater consideration at many hospitals. 

I think that many new mothers may find themselves feeling quite vulnerable and overwhelmed, and it may be hard to advocate for themselves or know what questions to ask regarding alternatives to breastfeeding.

So when I realized that no one was going to recommend pumping or any alternatives, I just went ahead and asked to rent a hospital pump. And even though pumping was painful, it was manageable and gave me a moment to catch my breath.

I still wanted to get back to breastfeeding at some point though, so I scheduled a lactation appointment for a week after leaving the hospital. Luckily I ended up seeing a lactation nurse, Olga, who had an approach that worked very well for me.

Formula

I also bought some formula in case I needed it. I think it can become ingrained in anxious new mothers (at least it was for me) that breastmilk is the only good option. But nourishment is nourishment and that’s what is ultimately most important. Formula is a perfectly good option if you don’t want to or can’t breastfeed or pump either temporarily or indefinitely.

Lactation Support

After hearing many of the lactation nurses in the hospital encouraging me to continue to breastfeed despite the pain, I thought that was the only option. After meeting one last lactation nurse though, Olga, she took one look at my nipples and exclaimed they were extremely swollen. She said that I needed to exclusively pump for a couple of weeks so that they could heal. I felt such validation in that moment and was so thankful for her.  

Back to Breastfeeding: Tools and Resources

Additional Lactation Support

Olga and I ended up having a few more sessions together, and by the end I was breastfeeding my baby with minimal pain. Once my nipples started to get less swollen, she helped me plan a schedule to alternate between pumping and breastfeeding until I could leave out the pumping altogether if I wanted.

Olga also gave me a couple of nipple shields, however did not recommend them as a long term solution as they can increase risk for developing mastitis. I did use them though the first few times of breastfeeding again after pumping. And while I think they helped me psychologically more than physically, they were an important tool for me to get back to breastfeeding.

This guidance and gradual return to exclusive breastfeeding was so helpful. Had I continued to try and exclusively breastfeed from the beginning though, I may have given up altogether. Olga also gave me her pro tips on latch that made all the difference as well. 

A Good Nursing Pillow

Along with the help of Olga, I had the help of “My Brest Friend” nursing pillow  This pillow was a game changer! I stopped using it after about 4 or 5 months as Orson got bigger, but it was absolutely essential for me in the beginning. 

I truly do not know if I would have stuck with breastfeeding without the Brest Friend nursing pillow. It made positioning much easier. And when you are spending hours and hours day in and day out (and night in and night out) breastfeeding a newborn, you want to be comfortable and you want it to be easy.

The pillow wraps around your belly, clips closed and provides a nice supportive platform for baby. It is flat and goes right up against your belly, keeping baby snug against you. Other nursing pillows taper down as they hit your belly, which can leave a space for baby to sink down into. This can make it difficult to have a tiny newborn at the right height relative to your nipple for a good latch.

Friends and Family 

I share this story because I want new mothers to know that they are not alone or failing their babies in any way if they are experiencing breastfeeding challenges.

Since going through my own struggles, I have talked with a number of friends who also had difficulty for various reasons with breastfeeding. It is more common than you think! I found it helpful to hear what they went through and what helped them. Additionally, I was thankful that they were there to listen.

My husband was also an amazing source of support. Bringing me anything I needed while I was breastfeeding and listening and talking with me about what was going on.  

Developing Your Own Feeding Plan

There are many ways to nourish our babies that do not involve breastfeeding. There are women who exclusively pump, or use formula, or do a combination of both. Or who breastfeed when they can and pump or use formula the rest of the time. It’s really all about what works best for you and your baby. 

For a while I thought that I would be exclusively pumping, and this would have been perfectly fine! Or if I had chosen to do formula for my baby instead, this would have also been fine!

There are so many ways to provide for our babies. Good job to all the mamas and papas for doing what they need to do, how they need to do it.

Related Post: Nipple Pain When Breastfeeding and How to Manage It

Please feel free to share your breastfeeding story in the comments below!