Mom Burnout Recovery and Making Positive Changes

Being a mom is the best thing I am doing in this life. It is also hard.

Recently, I’ve been having a particularly tough time. I have been drowning in negativity and seeking support where there is none, which only fuels more negativity. 

I’ve been focused on the lack of community in my life, my health problems, and my kids’ struggles. Everything has been feeling overwhelmingly challenging and bleak.

However, after existing in this state of total mom burnout for the past few weeks, I’m finding myself feeling ironically motivated to make some positive changes and become a better mom.

It’s like hitting rock bottom and suddenly gaining that clarity you need to make real positive change. Letting go of negative relationships and harmful habits suddenly makes perfect sense. Building up a supportive community and establishing new systems suddenly feels possible. 

So while burnout is obviously not a desirable state, I will say that there is nothing more empowering than the clarity, motivation, and growth that can follow total mom depletion.

3 Things I’m Focusing On During Mom Burnout Recovery

So as I emerge from my most recent bout of sahm burnout, I’m focusing on three things;

• Nourishing an optimistic mindset
• Building healthy friendships
• Seeking professional support

For myself and my family, I am now focusing on optimism and positivity. I’m not talking about toxic positivity; I’m talking about acknowledging the struggles and choosing to forge ahead anyway; with the belief that things will get better.

I’m also choosing to focus on building healthy relationships. I’m making mom friends as best I can, and giving my kids opportunities to form healthy friendships.

Lastly, I’m seeking out professional support, both medical and mental/emotional for myself and my kids. Mamas can’t do it all alone. I can be a better mom when I have the right support and tools.

Related: An Alternative To Losing Yourself In Motherhood

An Optimistic Mindset

Negativity can drag a mama down.

Sometimes I do not even realize that I am looking at everything through a negative lens. I’ll languish in a state of mom burnout for a few weeks before I realize that I’m operating from an incredibly suboptimal state of mind.

So here I am, after a rough couple of months, finally fully realizing that I have the power to create change in my life and in my kids’ lives.

I need to remind myself that I am capable of tackling challenges and finding patience and compassion along the way, with both myself and my kids. 

When I look at my problems with this optimistic mindset, I feel excited to tackle them and problem-solve.

This is where growth happens. This is the kind of person I want to be for my kids and myself. 

The Mayo Clinic offers some straightforward advice and tips on positive thinking.

Building Healthy Relationships

Being a mom, especially a stay at home mom with a toddler and preschooler, can feel incredibly isolating at times. If you know, you know.

It’s a weird world we live in where true connection and community are surprisingly hard to come by. Despite this challenge, I know I can build a community, it is just going to take a long time and will come with some trial and error.

As I strive to build friendships and community, it makes me think of online dating. I went on so many weird dates before I met my now wonderful husband.

I know that I just have to put myself out there, knowing that some mom dates will be duds and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s all just part of the process. I’m learning to embrace that and keep an optimistic and lighthearted attitude towards the process.

Moms need relationships that are not just one-way streets. They need relationships built from mutual support and shared values. This is where a healthy relationship thrives.

Despite being a total introvert and homebody, I reach out to moms in my local city Facebook mom’s group to set up playdates. I talk to any and every parent I can at preschool drop off and pick-up or at the park. I am putting in the effort to build and maintain relationships. 

And for those one-sided relationships in my life that are dying a quiet death, may they rest in peace. 

One of the beautiful things about having children is learning to recognize your self-worth because you want to be a good example for your babies. You want your children to know their self-worth. You start to recognize when you are, and when you are not a good model of that. 

I also want to model generosity and caring. I want to start looking around me more and noticing where I can jump in and give another mama a morale boost. I want to be the kind of person who maintains their boundaries while still knowing how to graciously give. 

I grew up not really understanding what a healthy relationship looked like in many respects, and I want my kids to be crystal clear on what it means to have a good friend and to be a good friend. What true partners who support each other and care about each other look like. What it means to give, and what it means to receive. What it means to live in accordance with your priorities and values. These things are important.

Establishing Professional Support

Another growing pain of motherhood is realizing that sometimes getting professional support is crucial to survival.

For much of my life, I’ve considered myself the self-help type. This is great, to an extent.

What I’m realizing now though, is that I do not need to try and pull myself out of the mud all by myself. I know that I need outside help to recover and to prevent burnout.

So I’m making those doctor appointments for myself. I’m making the appropriate appointments for my kids in the areas they need help. I’m buying that parenting book when I need a new set of tools and a fresh perspective. 

As I write this I recognize that not everyone has access to these types of support, as they can be expensive and time-consuming. This is a flaw on a systemic level and not one I’m ready to or even know how to begin addressing here.

However, I know there are people out there who can connect struggling mamas with resources. I have seen many struggling mamas post questions and requests for help in my local Facebook mom’s group. It’s a place to start.

Get a bunch of moms together, and there is a whole lot of information and support to be shared. The online world makes this easier than ever.

Strive To Be a Better Mom, Not a Perfect Mom

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Perfection is for the birds.

I’m here to confront the messy, challenging reality of motherhood. Striving for perfection is no longer in my wheelhouse. 

Optimism, opportunities to connect, and establishing solid support systems are my focus. 

May we all grow in this busy, challenging, and profound journey of motherhood!

Related: Reflections on “The Moon Mama” Motherhood Illustration